fairytales are my written dreams. <3

Thursday, September 04, 2008

its only day one but my heart feels so void, so empty and dead, like theres no soul left. the truth has left me stunned at random moments, sucking all the air out of me.

i wailed till 2, woke up at 6. spaced out for a minute before realizing that im all alone now. ive lost my shelter, the one that i depended on for the past year. im jolted up from my sleep every five minutes with the sudden occurrence that we're over. then i start crying myself to another five minutes of sleep before another episode starts all over again.

the ring was returned, no words were exchanged. i looked at yoo once more, with those knowing eyes, telling i love yoo, but i was turned away eventually. well i guess this is the results i have to face when i said those words.

even though at times, the ring isnt seen on my finger, i cann still feel yoo by my side. but now that its not on my finger, i feel this emptiness, like i lost something so important to me. i stare so hard at my hands, hoping for it to appear once more though i know theres ziltch chance of it happening. well, at least i tried wishing.

i dont know what yoo call us now. we still talk like before, all laughs and everything. but deep down, we know theres more to what we portray. we know that we have unresolved issues between us.

i guess i cant expect much from yoo anymore. no more sending me home or calling me just to ask my day. no more sudden bolts of "i really miss yoo" and stuff. i guess im just destroying myself. i pin hopes on the impossible. i expected yoo to at least send me to my mrt stop even though i know yoo wont be able to send me home. i dont expect yoo to do that. all i wanted was five minutes of our time, to just feel each other's presence. silly me to think that yoo were hiding behind pillars to see my reaction when i alighted without yoo. haha.

so now, i'll just have to learn to stand up on my own two feet. no more yoo holding my hand to guild me along. i guess this is how it works. honestly, every time i think of it, my heart starts beating so fast and i break out in cold sweat. i dont know if i have the strength to do it alone. well, theres no going back now anyway, so i guess i'll just have to bang my way through things and brace myself once more.

at least now i find friends whom i never thought would care two hoots about me. i thought yoo were my world, but now, i see that theres so much more.

thank yoo, letting me find friends whom i didnt know cherished me. i lost one boyfriend that i truly loved but i found so many more friends that love me.

Labels: brace yourself up, celest.

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